Monday, August 31, 2009

Today I had to laugh at myself



My husband sent me out of the house to have a relaxed cup of coffee and escape reality for about an hour. I was wearing a black dress and leggings, threw on my beige trench and grey boots. Headed downtown in my silver grey station car, stopped by the recycling station to drop off an old desk, then parked in a parking garage but bumped my car on a concrete column in the process. At this stage I was in a quiet rage, desperate not to think about how much it will cost to have this fixed (fortunately it was just a scratch so I hope I can get away with a good wash and polish). As I walked the short distance to my favorite book café I looked at my reflection in the shop windows, my sharply cut shoulder length hair matching my outfit, my fatigue clearly visible on my non made-up face. 'Motherhood', I half growled, half laughed inside.
On my way home, Nirvana's 'come as you are' played on the radio. I sang out loud, I really got into it, I was taken back to the time where I was starting my adult life, in my future I would never shout at my kids, I would never wear beige, I was always going to be the coolest person ever (whatever that entailed), I would always have time for loving my husband (energy was not something I lacked in those days) and I would never worry about trivial things, such as housework and money.
I laughed out loud in a beautiful moment of self realisation, acceptance and joy!

1 comment:

Margarita said...

This post made me laugh. This happens to everyone, that realisation of who we are on the inside and what we portray on the outside and that we're slowly turning into our mothers.

I'm with ya.